12:17 p.m. - 2008-05-20
MISSED CONNECTIONS
I'm beginning to calm down a bit on this whole putting personal things online problem. In some ways, its just that I'm beginning to realize how large the internet actually is. In other words, that it's the internet. So, for you readers, a letter:
Dear Anonymous,
I can't help but feeling that tonight would have gone very differently if we had gone to the bar instead of the poetry reading. I wanted to go off to the bar, to be alone with you, but I was afraid that you would view me as some sort of lush. Or as not enough of an intellectual. (You're very smart. It intimidates me a bit, makes me feel I need to perform.) So we went to the reading. Once we were there, you were wrapped up in talking to your friends, and though I know many of them casually, I know none of them well. I felt like a I was following you around, like some sad lost puppy. Then we left, with a friend of yours, went to the bar, and you invited me to crash at your place. For a moment, I thought that perhaps the moment had not passed - that there was still some chance to resurrect a feeling that was growing between us. I know you felt it to, you a much as said so on the way to the reading. But no. Another friend was staying as well, and, in the end, the situation devolved into a night of relationship advice, centered around your crush on another girl. I wanted to give good advice, because you are a kind person who deserves a beautiful, intelligent woman. She deserves you too, and I don't want to try to take something positive away from her. You've been seeing her for a bit, and the things that make your relationship complicated would prohibit ours just as effectively. Still, a little bit, I wish that woman was me. Anonymous, I'm sad about our missed opportunity. I'm also sad that I have the courage to post this confession on the internet, but can't tell you what I think. However, in the end, I'll get over you. I know because what I said to you earlier is true. It's not good to fuck with people's minds, because it makes them overthink the situation, think about the partner constantly. And, in the end, when you get tired of thinking about someone, you're just tired of thinking about them.
Best wishes,
Britt
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