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1:46 a.m. - 2008-04-22
AWWW LINKY-LINKY

I started updating this thing a few days ago, but then my computer did its mysterious turn-off-at-random thing and I was simply too discouraged to go on. If it happens again this time I will be forced to assume that my computer objects to Diaryland on some deep ethical level and will be joining Ben over at Wordpress.*

In other news, I have been on a diet for two-ish months now and, I have to say, this shit's getting old. I am beginning to have unhealthy fantasies about Pizza Hut. Unfortunately, I am currently between pants sizes and need to either lose or gain five pounds if I want the bottom half of my wardrobe to fit correctly (I have a fair selection of clothes in both sizes). As I worked damn hard to lose those five pounds, I am not feeling inclined to intentionally gain them back right now. So I guess I'll just keep going with the rabbit food.

While I've been away, I've collected a fair number of links that I want to be able to find again. Though I don't generally like it when people's diary entries are made up entirely of internet memes, this is MY diary and I can do whatever I want here, so fuck ya'll haters. (I may actually be the only hater in question; everyone who reads this thing might absolutely love gigantic collections of internet crap.) Here we go, in descending order of awesomeness:

BEST

Optimus Prime Performs the Evolution of Dance

I mean, obvi.

BETTER

Anderson Cooper Refuses to do the Lasso, Among Other Things

If you do not know why this particular video is so special to me, check out the previous entry. All will be explained.

GOOD

Apparently, the Pope Really Likes Cats

1) Seriously, the New York Times? What are they doing, practicing for Rupert Murdoch's imminent takeover?
2) Absolute best line in the article: "And Benedict is, without a doubt, the first pope to have had an authorized biography of him written by a cat � Chico, a ginger tabby who lives across the road from Benedict�s old house in Germany." (emphasis added)

NEUTRAL

Ask the Polygamy Mom Magic 8-Ball

Ok, the systematic and incestuous abuse of underage girls by the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints was obviously a bad thing. But this meme is funny, which is a good thing. Hence, the neutral status.


BAD

George W. to Appear on 'Deal or No Deal'

Yes, the game show. Silver lining: This is official proof that W. is currently the lamest duck ever (think quadriplegic) and therefore probably won't be able to make things any worse during his time left in office (Knock on wood x 100000000000).

WORSE

Vatican Creates List of 7 New 'Social' Sins

This actually happened a while ago and I forgot about it. I mean, there weren't enough already? Mostly I just object to the one about birth control.

EVEN WORSER

Richard Quest Gets Busted, and I Do Mean Busted

I have two favorite sections of this story:

1) "CNN personality Richard Quest was busted in Central Park early yesterday with some drugs in his pocket, a rope around his neck that was tied to his genitals, and a sex toy in his boot, law-enforcement sources said...It wasn't immediately clear what the rope was for."

I mean, it wasn't? Because there seem to be a limited number of options here. Either Mr. Quest was afraid he might accidentally misplace his balls, or this is a variation on one of those 'auto-erotic asphyxiation' things that Law&Order is so interested in.

2) "The criminal complaint says the officer at the scene was able to ID the drug because of "his prior experience as a police officer in drug arrests, observation of packaging which is characteristic of this type of drug, and defendant's statements that . . . 'I've got some meth in my pocket.' "

Oh, NYPD. No slipping anything by you.

AND, THE WINNER OF WORST LINK IS....................OH, WAIT. WHAT'S THIS? WE SEEM TO HAVE A TIE!

No, but seriously, I can't decide which is worse. On a personal level, I can't even imagine this:

Man Trapped in Elevator for 41 Hours

That link takes you to a condensed version of the security footage. It's fucking horrifying.

On the other hand, in regards to the whole erosion of basic governmental principles problem, there is this:

Apparently, the Pentagon Has Been Basically Bribing the War Analysts At Most Major Networks for Years

Ok, I lied. This is clearly worse.

-Britt

*Whew. We made it.

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