1:00 a.m. - 2008-04-12
BLIND ITEM
Which of my friends, over the last two months or so, has
-cuddled with me in the park all day (once)
-shown up drunk at my house at 3 in morning (once)
-texted or called me a minimum of 4 times a week
- actually seen me ZERO times other that the ones listed above.
I am annoyed. I do not like being blown off. In particular, I do not like being blown off in the EXACT SAME TEXT in which the plans being broken were confirmed.
'What', you say? 'I must have misread that sentence.'
No, you did not. This is what happened:
I send him a text saying that The Graduate is playing tomorrow at BAM, and we should go. I get this text back:
'Word up on the graduate. Alas, I've been informed that my family is celebrating my mom's bf's birthday at a place called 'Medieval Times" (Yes, this is the exact wording. I do not believe in any of that 'u r so kewl' text-spelling bullshit, and if you do, please never text me. We will have to stop knowing each other.)
I read this as saying: I am excited to see The Graduate with you, and am disappointed that I have to, at some point in the future, not tomorrow, encounter the cultural travesty that is the Medieval Times restaurant chain.* However, I have had some experience with this kid, and so I wrote back to confirm. And, indeed, the dinner is tomorrow. He tried to make it better by adding "but I'm still up for the Virginia Woolf movie!" This did not make me feel better, since watching Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf together is plan we made the last time we hung out sober, TWO MONTHS AGO.
... I'm actually not as mad at him as this post would indicate; I recognize that he's got a lot of shit going on right now and is preparing to move and whatnot, but still. Also, I don't know why I'm apologizing since he doesn't read this thing. So I could potentially call him any bad names I want, up to and including...
Um, this is weird confession, but I wrote the above and then couldn't think of anything good, so I googled 'funny bad names to call people.' I still don't have anything good, but have discovered that a fair portion of the internet is divided into two camps:
1)people who are hypersensitive about joking name calling and need to calm down
2) people who think walking up to someone and saying, 'Hi, I'm human. What are you?' is a good put-down.
The answers that were not similar to the one in section two were mostly offensive-to-me variations on ways to call people gay. So I guess I fall into the first camp.
-Britt
*By the way, if you are British or just deprived or something and do not know what Medieval Times is, I would like to STRONGLY suggest that you click on that link. There is an opening video (amazing) and then it redirects you to the main website. It's sort of like a Disneyland that only lasts as long as dinner and smells a lot more like a barn.
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