Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

3:39 a.m. - 2008-03-26
DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME NAKED?

Unless you are Ben or KK, you probably do not know the answer to this question.

Well, I don't know about them, but TimeOut New York sure doesn't. One of my roommates subscribes, and I was flipping through a back issue a few days ago. Man, those fuckers are mean. I'm sorry TimeOut editors, but I was under the impression that the primary function of your magazine was to let me know what was going on in the city this week, perhaps with a couple of supplementary profiles of choreographers and musicians that I will never go see (for some reason I like reading artistic profiles almost as much as I like going to see art, and one of these things can be done without putting on my pants).

Boy was I wrong! It seems that one of the major goals of this magazine is actually to make sure you keep your girlish figure so that, when you do go out, the sight of your size 6+ ass will not offend anyone. The particular issue I was reading, I don't know which month it was, featured, well, actually several articles about weight-loss, but one bit in particular stuck with me. It was in an article that, based on my recollection of the content, might well have been titled "How Not To Die Fat and Alone". The part that caught my attention said, "if you've noticed those size 28 jeans getting a little tight, you may want to get to the gym before your boyfriend's attraction starts to fade". OK, I'm paraphrasing, but the size 28, the assumption of a female heterosexual reader, and the threat of never again getting laid properly if you don't lay off the takeout were all there.

Here's the thing. I'm 5'7" (a mere inch and a half taller than the average American female). I am not skinny, but few would describe me as actually overweight (TimeOut and possibly Anna Wintour being the only examples that spring to mind). Moreover, I am not especially bootylicious. My ba-donka-donk is rather unexceptional. Yet I do not wear a size 28. Shockingly, I still have sex on occasion, often with people who are attractive not only to me, but to third-party observers as well.

I'll end this rant with a brief letter, which I believe sums up my thoughts nicely.

Dear TimeOut New York Editors,

Please lay off. I am reading your magazine; I obviously live in New York. If I want to feel fat, I will simply look at the nearest billboard.

Thank you for your time,
Britt

Hmm, I may actually send that one to them. But I think I'll wait for a really offensive cover, something that tops the recent "YOU ARE GOING TO DIE (IN 48 HOURS)". Apparently, the issue is about psychics, but I refuse to look inside on principle.

Now a quick shift from stuff that meant to be funny but is actually offensive, all the way over to stuff thats meant to be offensive but is actually funny.

I don't graffiti bathroom walls, and I certainly don't respond to other people's graffiti, but today was almost a first for me. One of the women's bathrooms in the library here now bears the legend:

NYU GIRLS R GAY AND THEY SUCK

It took every ounce of self-discipline I had not to whip out a Sharpie and write: ONLY ONE OF THESE THINGS IS TRUE.

-Britt


previous - next

Email me at [email protected]!

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!